I am going to warn you now. This one is going to be a bit of TMI, but it is a necessary and a not often discussed topic between marrieds.
I don't know if this was the same
for you, but when I was a kid the word sex was equivalent to a cuss word.
It was something young lads and lasses had no business talking about let alone
engaging in. Everything I knew about sex came from peers and mother gave
me the impression that if a boy even looked at me the wrong way I would get
pregnant. In high school, most of the kids were having sex. I
chose to abstain, not because it honored God to do so, but because 1) I was
terrified and 2) It was a personal badge of honor to say I was a virgin when
all the other girls were being fast.
I finally came to understand that
casual sex before marriage was highly detrimental spiritually, emotionally and
physically, but was never given the positive view of the God intended side of
sex. I lost my virginity in college and was eaten up about it. My
guilt made me develop even worse views about sex and that guilt carried over
into my marriage.
I found it difficult to connect with
my husband properly through sex and could not get past the thoughts of thinking
how bad this was. I could not let go and allow myself to enjoy the
physical oneness with my spouse. I was constantly plagued in my mind
about the inappropriateness of the act. I was coy and shy and my husband had
to move mountains just to "get me in the mood." Eventually, the
chains of this bondage began to pass and I was able to enjoy our intimate
times.
After I passed that barrier, another
one presented itself that needed to be surmounted. I sometimes
would have absolutely NO desire for sex. I mean none.....especially after
having a baby. Most of the time it
was because I was tired. Other times there was no desire and I just felt
awkward. Let's just say there have been dry spells. From what I
hear, this is common with a lot of women and a mystery yet to be solved.
What does my sex life have to do
with you? Well, you never know what 'issues' or hang ups you might run in
to in this area, and I want to let you know that we all have our struggles and
you are not alone, but no one ever talks about it. It is VERY
uncomfortable to talk about sex with others and any problems that might arise
will ultimately have to be dealt with between you, your husband and God.
And, yes, I have talked to the Lord about my sex life....LOL...SO WEIRD!!!!!
My hubs has been excellent and OVERLY patient with me in this area. I cannot express how grateful I am about this. What
really helped was when I got to the place where I was able to talk to my husband
about my hang ups. One hundred percent of these conversations were right
after we'd had sex; when I felt most vulnerable with him and didn't feel any
shame. We were naked and unashamed....ROTFL! Sorry for that
visual!!!!!
Sex is beneficial for marriage because it
not only produces children, but it actually knits the husband and wife
together as one flesh. How much closer than one flesh can you get??? Even with
this, sex is NOT the relationship and sex is NOT a need. It’s a beautiful
thing but it is not equivalent to food, water or your fellowship with the Lord. When people step outside of their marriage to have sex
with other people because they say 'their needs aren't being met' shows just
how SELFISH they really are! Sex between spouses should actually be a
selfless and reciprocal act where you are just as concerned with the pleasure
of your spouse as you are for yourself.
Well, I think I have probably made
you cringe enough so I will do you a favor and end this one. Scripture
meditations, I don't have any for this because frankly, this isn't something
you should be meditating on until after you are married. LOL! I just thought
I'd put it out there. You can pull this one back out on the honeymoon.
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