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The Other "S" Word: Let's Talk About SEX (for the married or soon to be married folks)




I am going to warn you now.  This one is going to be a bit of TMI, but it is a necessary and a not often discussed topic between marrieds. 

I don't know if this was the same for you, but when I was a kid the word sex was equivalent to a cuss word.  It was something young lads and lasses had no business talking about let alone engaging in.  Everything I knew about sex came from peers and mother gave me the impression that if a boy even looked at me the wrong way I would get pregnant.  In high school, most of the kids were having sex.  I chose to abstain, not because it honored God to do so, but because 1) I was terrified and 2) It was a personal badge of honor to say I was a virgin when all the other girls were being fast.

I finally came to understand that casual sex before marriage was highly detrimental spiritually, emotionally and physically, but was never given the positive view of the God intended side of sex.  I lost my virginity in college and was eaten up about it.  My guilt made me develop even worse views about sex and that guilt carried over into my marriage.

I found it difficult to connect with my husband properly through sex and could not get past the thoughts of thinking how bad this was.  I could not let go and allow myself to enjoy the physical oneness with my spouse.  I was constantly plagued in my mind about the inappropriateness of the act.  I was coy and shy and my husband had to move mountains just to "get me in the mood."  Eventually, the chains of this bondage began to pass and I was able to enjoy our intimate times.

After I passed that barrier, another one presented itself that needed to be surmounted.   I sometimes would have absolutely NO desire for sex.  I mean none.....especially after having a baby.  Most of the time it was because I was tired.  Other times there was no desire and I just felt awkward.  Let's just say there have been dry spells. From what I hear, this is common with a lot of women and a mystery yet to be solved.

What does my sex life have to do with you?  Well, you never know what 'issues' or hang ups you might run in to in this area, and I want to let you know that we all have our struggles and you are not alone, but no one ever talks about it.  It is VERY uncomfortable to talk about sex with others and any problems that might arise will ultimately have to be dealt with between you, your husband and God.  And, yes, I have talked to the Lord about my sex life....LOL...SO WEIRD!!!!!  My hubs has been excellent and OVERLY patient with me in this area.  I cannot express how grateful I am about this.  What really helped was when I got to the place where I was able to talk to my husband about my hang ups.  One hundred percent of these conversations were right after we'd had sex; when I felt most vulnerable with him and didn't feel any shame.  We were naked and unashamed....ROTFL!  Sorry for that visual!!!!!

Sex is beneficial for marriage because it not only produces children, but it actually knits the husband and wife together as one flesh.  How much closer than one flesh can you get???  Even with this, sex is NOT the relationship and sex is NOT a need.  It’s a beautiful thing but it is not equivalent to food, water or your fellowship with the Lord.  When people step outside of their marriage to have sex with other people because they say 'their needs aren't being met' shows just how SELFISH they really are!  Sex between spouses should actually be a selfless and reciprocal act where you are just as concerned with the pleasure of your spouse as you are for yourself. 

Well, I think I have probably made you cringe enough so I will do you a favor and end this one.  Scripture meditations, I don't have any for this because frankly, this isn't something you should be meditating on until after you are married.  LOL!  I just thought I'd put it out there.  You can pull this one back out on the honeymoon.

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